Sean / Tannoz

Tue, Nov 10 · session plan

Next session: Tue Nov 10, 2 PM, video. After that: Mon Nov 16, 11 AM, in person. Both booked on Jane.
Last session Oct 27 · prepared Oct 28

1.9 hPaying people a day

1 of 8Gym this round

0 of 14Days with a line

Plan check: my commitments

Set Oct 27. Due Tue Nov 10, when the session starts. How each one gets measured, and where it stands.

Cold email
First template out Oct 27, any number of people. Then 20 a day as the floor. Exact numbers settled with Tranqui after the go-to-market plan.How: Sent count from the send log, per day.Now: The count is not wired to this page yet. I say it at the session.
15 scary asksTarget 15
Up from 10. Last round I did 14.How: I say the number at the session.Now: New round from Oct 27.
Gym four a week1 of 8
Eight minimum over the two weeks.How: Strong app, backed by Apple Health.Now: 1 so far: Oct 27 (Apple Health; sets not synced yet).
The wheel when I avoid
If I skip it, I ask myself why.How: Yes or no at the session. If no, why.Now: Used 2 so far, both Oct 29. A friend kept putting me down: anger, frustrated; need fairness, respect; say it once after the wedding show. Dating: fear, unsure, anxious; need to know what comes next.
One line a day0 of 14
What did not go well, what I do differently tomorrow. Or catch it in the moment on a smoke break.How: Tell any Claude chat "tannoz line: ..." and it lands in Therapy/prep/daily-lines.md, counted here.Now: 0 of 14 days so far.
End it with Karla
By text, and get her things back to her.How: Done or not.Now: Decided, not done yet.
Book the next sessionDone
Client books online.How: Booked or not.Now: Done: Tue Nov 10, 2 PM (video), then Mon Nov 16, 11 AM (in person).

What I want to talk about

Added by meParked: open or exclusive with Anna (the "what are we" talk is 1 to 2 weeks before Dec 9); teasing that lands wrong; where "not enough" comes from.
FocusSleep: my plan (proposal, Oct 27)My own picks from the Health chat. Open question for Tannoz: does this shape fit, or what would she change?
- Where I am: falling asleep around 5:40 AM on average in October, about 5.8 hours a night (WHOOP).
- Bedtime moves in the Wheel's 30-minute steps; my recovery score leads.
- No blockers. I tried Freedom and ended up with nothing to do. I need leisure time.
- Leisure that ends (ideas to try): one episode or a set number of games, audio with a sleep timer in bed, the same last-thing routine every night, grayscale after midnight.
- Last nicotine at midnight (my rule).
- Pre-workout stays a full scoop at 2 to 3 PM for now; an earlier gym is the ideal.

The plan

Single session, 50-minute plan. Video. Opens with the plan check.

2:00Plan check10 minWhat happened with each commitment, and what got in the way.
2:10What I want to talk about35 minMy list above, top first.
2:45Next plan5 minOne dated plan, checked at the session after.

From my screen tracker

9.5 hMoney work

6.2 hPaying people

7.5 hLate night

2.7 hGames

Over the last 4 days. One row per day, newest at the bottom.

Oct 276.6 h🎮 1.2 h games

Oct 286.8 h🌙 1.6 h late · 🎮 1.5 h games

Oct 298.3 h🌙 3.1 h late

Oct 30*3.3 h🌙 2.8 h late · 🎮 0.0 h games

Paying people: asks and client workBuildingPlanningOther

See the numbers

Day	Money	Paying people	Building	Planning	Late night	Games	Switches
Oct 27	1.4	1.1	2.3	0.7	0.0	1.2	124
Oct 28	3.1	2.6	2.0	0.2	1.6	1.5	123
Oct 29	4.1	2.1	4.6	0.2	3.1	0.0	201
Oct 30 *	0.8	0.4	1.2	0.5	2.8	0.0	77

Desktop only, an estimate (labels not graded yet). * partial day. Counting from Oct 27, 11:00 AM. File updated Oct 30, 2:04 PM; this page refreshes when it is published.

The numbers we watch

The long-run trends. The two-week commitments sit at the top of this tab. Updated Oct 27.

Plans run since April

3 run, 2 partly, 5 not yet, 2 unknown, 2 due. Oldest on the left.Oct 13 plan: partly (asks 14 of 10, gym 6 of 8, go-to-market plan not done). Oct 27 plan due next session.Baseline: 3 of 11 run since April · What I say at the start of each session

Gym, per two weeks

Last round

This round

Eight is the minimum per two weeks.Last round 6 of 8. This round 1 so far.Baseline: Target: four a week, started by 2:00 PM · Workouts logged by my tracker

Money work hours

Oct 19 to 2512.0 h

Since Oct 279.5 h

Screen tracker, desktop only, an estimate.Counting from Oct 27, 11 AM. The bar fills as days come in.Baseline: About 12 h the week of Oct 19 to 25 · Screen tracker, desktop only

Sleep start

Median 5:58 AM over the last 14 nights (WHOOP). Lower on the chart is later.About 6:00 AM, 7-night median to Oct 27 (WHOOP)Baseline: 5:39 AM for the 7 nights to Oct 12 (28-night: 5:54 AM) · Sleep tracker, 7-night median

The very official accountability contract

Agreed Oct 13, 2026. Binding in spirit. Enforceable by raised eyebrow. Tap to open.

Every session opens with one question: what happened with the last plan?
Sessions end on time, however late I arrive. (Tannoz's addition.)
One plan per session, with a date on it. No new tool until the last one has been run.
Tannoz asks the number: how many of the ten?
Session day is deadline day: what I committed to is due when I walk in.
Sean brings an agenda and real numbers. Every time.
Tannoz calls it when Sean drifts off his list. No hard feelings.
Any tool offered has to answer: how does this get checked?
When a plan doesn't get run, the first question is: what's the learning?
A review every six sessions: what got run, what changed, what to stop.

Sean

Tannoz

The wheel

When I catch myself avoiding

Name the feeling, find the need under it, then one small step. Sit with it first: an emotion takes no more than 24 minutes to pass. Nothing here is saved.

What am I feeling?

Tap what fits, from more than one family if needed. The outer ring shows needs that often sit underneath.

Feelings, in six families

Closer to anger

Often underneath: respect, fairness, room to say no, to be heard.

Closer to sadness

Often underneath: comfort, connection, to feel understood, a slower pace.

Closer to fear

Often underneath: safety, knowing what comes next, steadier ground when feelings run high, to understand what is going on.

Closer to overwhelm

Often underneath: a slower pace, rest, support, steadier ground when feelings run high.

Closer to shame

Often underneath: to feel like enough as I am, acceptance, gentleness.

Closer to tired

Often underneath: rest, one change that feels possible, space, to understand what is going on.

What do I need underneath?

The needs that often sit under those feelings. Pick the one or two that fit most.

One small step I can take now

Write one line: what happened, what I felt, what story my head is telling.
Stop, breathe, look far into the distance. Let the feeling peak before I do anything.
Say no to the one thing I am saying yes to out of guilt.
Shrink the task to the first five minutes and only do that.
Name one thing I did well today. Then do the ask anyway; the ask is not a verdict on me.
Take a real break: walk, gym or a smoke outside, no phone.
Pick the smallest version of the task and do it now.
Say what I need plainly, once, without over-explaining.
Write down what felt unfair, then decide if it needs saying or just letting go.
Say it out loud to the person, within a day. Holding it back makes it bigger.
Do one thing that actually comforts me, not one that numbs me.
Text a friend to hang out or call. Real contact, not a reassurance check.
Tell one person the real version, or bring it to Tannoz.
Check the evidence, not the story. What has actually happened?
Write the next three steps on paper. Only the first one matters today.
Notice the part of me that wants to be ideal. Let a 70% day count.
Talk to myself like I would talk to a friend who missed a target.
Ask for help on the one thing I am carrying alone.
Close the screens for 20 minutes. Nothing to solve.

Sit with it

Picked the feeling? Before texting, opening a game or asking AI, ride it out. A feeling rises, peaks and passes, usually inside 24 minutes. Keep this open; it keeps time even if the phone locks.

24:00Ready when you are

The loops I'm breaking

Both run the same way: a trigger, a story, a quick fix, short relief, repeat. The way out is the same too: stop at the feeling, go to the wheel, act from the need.

The anxious loopFrom Oct 26

The all or nothing loopFrom Oct 27

Look back

A look back since Nov 2024, so we build on what works for me. Not a grade.

20weddings this seasonof 22 gigs; 13 my own bookings

1game installedCompany of Heroes, back in October; played almost only with Amir

23months of work togethersince Nov 2024

At a glance

Plans from our sessions since April (12 checked)32523 run2 partly5 not yet2 unknown

Tools: which ones stuck777 stuck with me7 haven't stuck yet

What's changed, what's next

Changed

The voice in my head is quieter. A mistake is win or feedback now, not a verdict.
Asks: 14 in two weeks against a target of 10.
Games: one, played on purpose with Amir. Tempted, didn't download more.
I catch the anxious story faster and can name it out loud.

Still working on

Sleep: about 6 AM median bedtime this week.
All or nothing: big targets, miss, give up.
Holding things back to avoid a reaction.
Ending it with Karla: decided, not done yet.

Every plan since April

One card per session plan, oldest first. 3 run, 2 partly, 5 not yet, 2 unknown, 2 due next session.

Apr 28Pause before actingNot yet
May 13Exposure in sales callsNot yet
May 27Three dials floorUnknown
Jun 1611 PM cutoffNot yet
Jul 3Social and fitness routineNot yet
Jul 24Emotion check, liveNot yet
Aug 13No games before workPartly
Sep 3Back to the gymRun
Sep 28Lodging and the Karla decisionUnknown
Sep 29Prep block before each sessionRun
Oct 5Reflection: how I've changedRun
Oct 13Three commitments: asks, rules page, gymPartly
Oct 26Tell Anna about smoking, lightlyDue next session
Oct 27Cold email floor, 15 asks, gym, the wheel, KarlaDue next session

What actually moves me

Take the thing awayGames deleted, then work took off.
A date with a person on itGigs, a quota, a session that evening.
A number in the roomScreen tracker numbers I can't argue with.
A prepared agendaThe sessions I prepped for went best.
Someone checkingThe piece I want to add.

The tools, sorted 7 stuck, 7 not yet

The ones that stuck were external, visible and immediate. The ones that didn't needed me to start them alone, with no cue. That's about fit, so it tells us what to pick next.

Haven't stuck yet

Daily reflection
Daily check-ins
The 11 PM cutoff
The emotion check
Nightly decide and reflect
The journal
Outreach first (set up 5 times)

Stuck with me

Deleting the games
Time-tracker numbers in session
A dated exit line
Gig prep against a clock
Betting ahead of time, or not at all
Contain, don't collapse
The wheel when I avoid (new, testing)

The year so far

Jan to MarMedellín. Sessions on video.
AprKarla back on and fighting. Questioned needing a boss watching me to produce.
MayEnded it with Karla. Named it: I avoid work out of fear of failing. Back to Ottawa.
JunFirst in-person session (Jun 16). Routine has to beat willpower.
JulSales role wound down. Karla breakup Jul 14, then reopened. One escape loop across work, sleep and Karla.
AugHard breakup Aug 2, reopened Aug 10. Stop explaining, start showing behaviour. Wedding season at full speed.
SepGym back Sep 1. The six-step method. Four gigs in a row, then likely COVID. Deleted all games. James software work. Karla calm since Sep 29.
OctWedding season ended Oct 9. Flight moved to Dec 9. Dating Anna. Accountability contract. Go to the roots. 14 asks. A plan built on how I work; ending it with Karla.

Our therapy themes six themes, 17 sessions

How each one moved and how often it came up.

Work & avoidanceImprovingApr: needed a boss watching. May: avoidance is fear of failing. Jul: cold-calling fights my wiring; sales role ended. Aug: stop explaining, show behaviour. Sep: games deleted, busiest season, James software.15/17 · last Oct 27

KarlaOpenApr back and fighting. May ended it. Jun: can't fix it while in contact. Jul and Aug: two breakups, two reopens. Sep 3: the boundary has to be with myself. Sep 28: we both feed it. Since Sep 29: calm and daily.12/17 · last Oct 27

People & communityImprovingMay: Medellín friends energize me. Jul: no community in Ottawa; Karla and gaming fill the gap. Sep: walking away from a fight is winning.6/17 · last Oct 27

Self-trustImprovingMay: separate who I am from how I perform. Sep 3: self-trust is repairable. Open: does repair build it when the same miss repeats? Oct 5: self-talk friction down 10 to 20 percent; gain or loss, not success or failure. Oct 13: the gap between knowing and changing is sitting with younger me first.6/17 · last Oct 27

Sleep, body, routineOpenJun: routine must beat willpower, 11 PM cutoff. Jul and Aug: sleep decides which days work. Sep: gym back, then sick and paused. Oct 5: the late-night point where I stop caring; decide tonight's plan, reflect next day.6/17 · last Oct 13

ColombiaImprovingApr: last weeks in Medellín. Sep: what the months away are for is unsolved; visa organized. Oct: flight moved from Oct 10 to Nov 4, then locked for Dec 9.4/17 · last Oct 5

Session history 17 sessions, newest first

“Afterward” is what was recorded by the following session, not today’s status.

Oct 27 · In personBuild the plan on how I work: cold email, the wheel, end it with KarlaA plan built on my strengths, not on shameWork & avoidanceSelf-trustKarlaPeople & community

Plan check: 14 asks against 10 ("W"). Gym 5 of 8. The go-to-market plan for my own clients is not done. Zero games until one social game with Amir: "great self-control."
Outreach consistency is not one of my strengths. That is not stupid, wrong or lazy. Before, I did it the way others said I should, and that came from shame. Build it on my strengths, like putting the fastest player where speed wins.
Cold email fits because I can know something about them first ("1% value") instead of spamming. The goal is to make it digestible, not to love it.
All or nothing sinks me: big ideal targets, miss them, give up, hate myself. Fix: a small daily floor plus improving the template as I go.
Even if my domain only allows 10 a day: "who cares." Send the first template today, even to five people.
When I avoid: go to the wheel; if I skip it, ask why. When a day gets lost, look at what caused it. "The answer is in the behaviours." I am privileged to learn.
Daily check: one sentence on what did not go well and what to do differently tomorrow, or catch it in the moment. Smoke breaks are my zoom-out cue.
Karla: end it by text (on the phone she reels me back in) and get her things back to her. If I do not end it, I answer to Anna for that.
Anna, date 4: keep getting to know her and see if I still feel this way.

Plan: 20 cold emails a day as the floor (exact numbers settled with Tranqui after the go-to-market plan); first template out Oct 27; 15 scary asks; gym 4 a week, 8 minimum; the wheel whenever I avoid; one line a day; end it with Karla by text; bring screen tracker numbers.

Oct 26 · In personAnna and the anxious loop: she decides tooNot in love yet; 99% of her still unknownPeople & communitySelf-trustWork & avoidance

Plan check: about 14 asks, gym 5 of 8. A priced quote for a realtor and cafe (about 6K build plus about 300 a month).
The practice is the wheel: name the feeling, find the need, sit with it. An emotion takes no more than 24 minutes to release.
Oct 13 was the pattern live in the room: fighting having to sit with it, because of shame.
Summit night: Anna steady all night while Paige and Lauren were messy. Anna: "you don't have to apologize for them."
The loop: a texting gap becomes "she is losing interest because I am not good enough", then reassurance and checking. The evidence says the opposite.
Tannoz: "You're not in love with her." Anxious attachment makes it feel bigger. She decides if I am good enough, and I decide if she is good enough for me.
Smoking: tell her soon, lightly ("the longer you wait, the more complicated it gets"). Living at home: not a worry.
Long game: dating a teacher means summers and breaks. Tannoz, at the close: end it with Karla.

Plan: Tell Anna about smoking soon and lightly (date 4 or 5). When the texting gap hits, notice the story and go to the feeling before texting or asking AI.

Afterward: Oct 27: the wheel became the practice for avoiding, and Karla became "end it by text."

Oct 13 · In personGo to the roots: sit with younger me before fixingContract agreed. The missing piece between awareness and change: sit with younger me's feeling and unmet need before jumping to the fix.Self-trustWork & avoidanceSleep, body, routine

Brought my year review and the accountability contract. Tannoz agreed, and added consequences: she always ends on time however late I arrive, and the stats make missed plans visible.
Her main point: I jump from knowing to fixing and skip the feeling. I describe the leaves; the work is at the roots: 'I'm not good enough', from emotional neglect growing up.
The hard ask (sales, Karla, anything) is avoided because younger me learned that asking for things led to rejection.
The practice: talk to younger me with real understanding before any plan. Feeling it, not thinking it. Little by little, not a week of sadness.
Caught live: I apologised for saying the lights were bright. That is my own needs being treated as a burden.
Website: she declined for now and is building her own on Squarespace.

Plan: Two-week commitments: name who I asked; own-client rules on one page by Wed Oct 14 and one priced quote sent; gym in the afternoon five days a week. When I avoid something, stop at the feeling and the need under it before prescribing a fix.

Afterward: Talked it through with a friend over pho right after. His lens: it's a beautiful opportunity to feel these emotions and grow from them, not more suffering to hurry through. I'm grateful for it.

Oct 5 · In personExcellence, not perfectionPerfectionism applied to sleep. Excellence, not perfection.Self-trustSleep, body, routineWork & avoidanceColombia

Perfectionism: when the environment isn't ideal I give up and cope. The fix is the smallest step from where I actually am.
Sleep: I catch the first wave or two at night, then stop caring and stay up until 3 to 5 AM. Decide tonight's plan, stick to it, reflect the next day.
Gain or loss, not success or failure. Win or feedback. Self-talk friction is down 10 to 20 percent.

Plan: Journal reflection: how I'm different since starting therapy, and why.

Afterward: Explained it to a friend 15 minutes later: win or feedback, start from today's reality, 1 percent better.

Sep 29 · In personWalk away to win; the Colombia puzzleNo agenda. Work is thriving; Colombia work plan unsolved; visa organized.People & communityWork & avoidanceColombia

Got pulled into an argument over a laptop sale. Leaving an argument is winning; I can't convince someone they're wrong.
Work is thriving since the games went: busiest DJ stretch, custom software build, 2027 bookings.
What the Colombia months are for, work-wise, is unsolved. Visa: 28 tourist days, inquiry filed, nomad visa from Oct 1.

Plan: Write health, wealth, relationships and realign. Come in with an agenda.

Sep 28 · VideoAwareness is not changeVideo after sleeping in. Karla mirror: both feed it, awareness is not change.KarlaColombia

Slept in, joined by video. Sick about a week, likely COVID.
Karla: I said she's at 1% and I'm at 99%, and I won't change until she does. Tannoz: we both feed it; awareness without changing behaviour is no change.
Why stay if I don't care? "Fun when it is." I said the right move is to end it and block.

Plan: Book a place. Decide what I actually want with Karla: change, or disengage.

Sep 3 · In personAccountability through emotion and needThe six-step method landed; gym in traffic; self-trust is repairable.Self-trustSleep, body, routineKarlaWork & avoidance

Name the exact behaviour, not my whole self. The miss was gaming instead of leaving once the plan broke.
Guilt and disappointment pointed at self-trust. ADHD explains the intensity, not whether the behaviour helps.
Karla: verbal boundaries keep failing, so the boundary has to be with myself.

Plan: One week: gym early, or in traffic if that fails. Use the method on other moments.

Afterward: Debated whether repair builds trust when misses repeat. Noticed the reward-timing pattern Sep 7.

Aug 13 · In personExplanation phase over, behaviour nextStop explaining the loop, start showing behaviour.Work & avoidanceSleep, body, routineKarla

Nothing to look forward to tomorrow.
Systems shipped, revenue reps still missing. I know the loop; the next proof is behaviour.
Karla contact reopened without repair.

Plan: No video games or fun tabs before the actual work block is done.

Afterward: Never ran the emotion check live. Games deleted by late September.

Jul 24 · In personOne loop across work, sleep, KarlaWork, sleep and Karla are one escape loop.Work & avoidanceSleep, body, routineKarla

It's one mechanism: discomfort shows up and I escape, control or chase reassurance before naming the need.
One real money ask a day, no endless drafts.
"If I show up as myself and I am not enough, I will be left."

Plan: One daily business send. Practise the emotion and need check. Run the gate before any Jul 27 gesture.

Afterward: Leaving the room stayed hard; the Jul 27 gesture form was still open.

Jul 3 · In personSame void, two fillersKarla and gaming fill the no-community gap; cold-calling isn't laziness.Work & avoidanceKarlaPeople & community

Cold-calling fights every ADHD symptom I've got; it isn't laziness.
Karla and gaming fill the same hole: no real community in Ottawa.
One more month in the sales role, then a clean check-in.

Plan: Build a social and fitness routine in Ottawa.

Afterward: Routine still not built.

Jun 16 · In personKarla first, then the keystone routineRoutine must hold without willpower; can't fix Karla while in contact.KarlaSleep, body, routineWork & avoidance

Can't fix the Karla loop while still in contact.
The routine has to hold on its own, not on willpower.
Body baseline cracked: meds, sleep, gym slipping.

Plan: 11 PM hard computer cutoff, then treadmill and bed. Clean Karla close.

Afterward: Hadn't ended it; the cutoff was untested.

May 27 · VideoAvoidance dials: three, not zeroPlanning as avoidance; floor of three dials.Work & avoidancePeople & community

Planning as avoidance: over-planning and stacking social plans instead of the work.
Dropped the 80-dial demand for a floor of three.
New dating filling a Karla-shaped gap.

Plan: A three-dial daily floor.

Afterward: Whether to bring Karla into a session stayed open.

May 13 · VideoIntegrating the tripScared of failing, not failing. Ended it with Karla.Work & avoidanceSelf-trustKarla

I avoid work because I'm scared of failing, not because I fail.
Stop tying who I am to how I perform.
Held the boundary with Karla and ended it.

Plan: Bring the exposure work into real sales calls.

Afterward: Not applied yet; seeing Karla once more before leaving was still open.

May 7 · VideoKarla, friends, work before the tripMy part in the push-pull; Medellín friends energize me.KarlaPeople & communityWork & avoidance

Looking at my part in the push-pull isn't excusing her.
Friends in Medellín energize me, unlike Ottawa.
The work avoidance predates Karla; it's rooted in fear.

Plan: Decide how to spend the remaining time and set a real boundary.

Afterward: Undecided going into the trip.

Apr 28 · VideoKarla dopamine loopThe fights and makeups are a slot machine.KarlaWork & avoidance

The fights and makeups are a slot machine, not love.
Intentions like friends and work keep losing to the spike.
Let the whole spike and crash finish before deciding.

Plan: Pause and see the whole loop before acting.

Afterward: Admitted I'd probably still invite her over that evening.

Apr 14 · VideoGave Karla another shot, still fightingBack with Karla, fighting, couldn't trust it.Karla

Back together, arguing constantly.
"My nervous system literally doesn't allow me to trust her."
Knew it was doomed, couldn't end it.

Afterward: Still hadn't ended it.

Apr 1 · VideoAutonomy at work, Karla vs a new connectionNeed my own reason to produce.Work & avoidanceKarlaColombia

Need my own reason to produce; can't wait on a boss watching.
Breaking the Karla tantrum-and-cave cycle.
Last weeks in Medellín.

Plan: Find my own reason to produce.

Tannoz notes

Ontario 3-point format: what we talked about, methods and techniques, plan and next steps. Drafted from each session recording for Tannoz to review, edit and keep; not her record until she does.

Today's note · last 2 minutes

Pre-filled from today's plan, the methods from our recent sessions, and my commitments. Delete what didn't happen, fix the rest together, then Copy or Email. The full note drafted from the recording replaces this later today.

1. What we talked about2. Methods and techniques3. Plan and next steps

Drafted notes

Oct 27 · In person, 50 minutes; about 43 recordedBuild the plan on how I work: cold email, the wheel, end it with Karla

1. What we talked about

Plan review: 14 asks against a target of 10; gym five of eight; go-to-market plan for his own clients not done; no video games except one planned social game.
Outreach consistency named as not one of his strengths, possibly ADHD-related boredom, and not a sign of being lazy or wrong. Past plans copied other people and came from shame.
All-or-nothing targets: missing big ideal goals leads to giving up and self-criticism. Client pushed back that with no number he iterates forever.
When he avoids, and how to learn from a lost day.
The previous relationship: client is ready to end it; what keeps pulling him back; the Oct 10 conflict where he withheld a change of plans out of fear of a reaction.

2. Methods and techniques

Strengths-based planning: build the plan on how he works (sports-team analogy), aiming for digestible, not loved.
Process plus a floor: a small daily minimum, with improving the template counted as consistency.
Behavioural analysis: when a day is lost, look at what influenced it. "The answer is in the behaviours."
Brief daily reflection (rose and thorn), or catching it in the moment; client chose smoke breaks as his cue.
Prompted the client to use his own judgement before reaching for AI.

3. Plan and next steps

First cold email template out Oct 27, any number; then 20 a day as the floor.
15 scary asks over two weeks; gym four a week, eight minimum.
The feelings-needs wheel whenever avoiding; if skipped, ask why. One sentence a day.
End the previous relationship by text and return her items.
Next session: virtual, in about two weeks; client books online.

Oct 26 · In person, 50 minutesAnna and the anxious loop: she decides too

1. What we talked about

Plan review: priced quote for a new client reported as going out that day; gym five sessions against a target of eight over two weeks.
Client reflected on the Oct 13 session: he felt rattled when asked to sit with the feeling, and afterward decided he has to work on it because it is "not fair to myself and people around me".
A new dating relationship (three dates). Client described anxious attachment: gaps in texting become the story "she is pulling away, I am not enough", followed by reassurance texts and asking AI.
The core belief named underneath: "I am not good enough", and fear of rejection. Client noticed he is close to putting her on a pedestal.
Two things not yet shared with her: that he smokes, and that he lives with his parents while saving. Worst case on smoking: he would quit.
The previous relationship: a long message received; client said it is done.

2. Methods and techniques

Evidence versus story: compared the anxious narrative with what she has actually said and done.
Psychoeducation: anxious attachment makes a feeling feel more intense than it is; "99%" of her is still unknown; both people are deciding, not only her.
Feel it first: the feelings-needs wheel as the practice; sitting with an emotion until it passes (no more than about 24 minutes).
Named the pattern live: on Oct 13 he fought sitting with the feeling because of shame and tried to logically finesse it.
Rehearsed a light, honest framing for disclosing smoking.

3. Plan and next steps

Tell her about smoking soon and lightly (client: "the earlier the better"); timing stays his call.
When a texting gap hits: notice the "not enough" story and go to the feeling before texting or asking AI.
Keep date 4 low key; continue Tuesday Oct 27.

Oct 13 · In person, booked as a double (100 minutes); 83 minutes recordedGo to the roots: sit with younger me before fixing

1. What we talked about

Homework review: client presented a written review of his progress since starting therapy, a tracker of which session plans were carried out, and a proposed accountability contract.
Client's stated pattern: plans and tools set in session are often not carried out between sessions; what moves him is a deadline, a person waiting, and visible data. He linked avoiding 'the hard ask' (sales, ending a relationship) to fear of rejection and of not being enough.
Three two-week commitments stated: reporting who he asked; rules for his own client stream by Oct 14 and one priced quote; gym in the afternoon five days a week, as a fixed point to wake for.
Origins of present patterns: immigrant parents, mother's death when he was young, father's low emotional capacity; emotional neglect and the core belief 'I'm not good enough'. Early coping through video games as numbing.
Client recognised he rationalises and moves quickly to solutions, and named himself as emotionally avoidant; questioned the purpose of sitting with sadness.
In-session moment: client apologised for commenting on the bright lights; explored how a child would hear that response to stating a need.

2. Methods and techniques

Collaborative agreement on session structure: each session opens with a review of the last plan; one dated plan per session; session time ends on schedule regardless of late arrival (natural consequence).
Narrative prompt: asked client to explain his struggles as he would to someone getting to know him, to link childhood experience to present patterns.
Psychoeducation: protective parts and avoidance as protection from the risk of failing; tree metaphor (leaves are behaviours, roots are the core wound); no emotion is negative, sadness signals a need for comfort and reassurance.
Inner child work: guided the client to speak to his younger self with compassion and understanding before moving to action; noted his tendency to skip that step.
Naming resistance and all-or-nothing swings (avoid entirely, or sit in sadness for a week) and offering the middle: little by little.
Here-and-now processing of the apology about the lights.

3. Plan and next steps

Carry the three two-week commitments; review at the start of the next session.
Practice: when avoiding, pause on the feeling and the unmet need of his younger self before prescribing a fix; build trust between adult self and younger self a little at a time.
Next session to open with the plan review and run with the timed agenda; sessions at least every two weeks, moving to video once he is in Colombia.
Next session date: to confirm.

Oct 5 · In person, about 81 minutes (booked as a double)Excellence, not perfection

1. What we talked about

Opened on business progress: more weddings sold for next year, inbound leads through AI search, software work for a moving company and an equipment rental company.
Colombia: the Oct 10 departure was unlikely pending a possible gig for a Swedish client; agreed to wait for their confirmation before moving the flight (Oct 25 was the working alternative).
Asked to reflect on changes in himself rather than behaviours: quit video games and did not reinstall, trying to sleep earlier, time into useful projects, less late for gigs through preparation.
Home environment as outside his control: it lowers motivation, he feels bad and reaches for coping.
Evening pattern: aware of the first one or two urges to keep going, then stops caring and stays up until 3 to 5 AM.
Reported inner criticism down roughly 10 to 20 percent since starting therapy; wants faster return on that.

2. Methods and techniques

Cognitive reframing of perfectionistic, all-or-nothing thinking: striving for excellence instead of perfection.
Behaviour chain on the evening pattern (environment, feeling, coping, the giving-up point).
Psychoeducation: sitting with consequences instead of taking the exit ramp; sleep hygiene (no laptop in bed).
Self-reflection prompts linking decisions to current emotion and need, rather than to what he should do.
Reframe: gain or loss rather than success or failure.
Client summarized the takeaways in his own words at the end.

3. Plan and next steps

Homework: journal reflection on how he is different from when he started therapy, and why.
Each night: make a conscious decision about the evening, stick to it, reflect the next day.
Place bets ahead of time or not at all, so they do not keep him up.
Next: Tue Oct 13, 11:00 AM, in person.

Sep 29 · In person, about 36 minutesWalk away to win; the Colombia puzzle

1. What we talked about

Arrived without a prepared agenda.
Conflict with his barber over the terms of a laptop sale. Sean noticed he was drawn into point-scoring arguments, and linked it to the same pattern with Karla.
Work: strongest DJ season yet, five-star reviews, passing overflow gigs to another DJ, and a custom inventory system for an equipment rental company. Credits part of this to deleting all video games.
Health: about a week of likely COVID, sleep disrupted, gym paused. Wants the gym as a core part of life; interested in a community studio when back in Ottawa.
Colombia: unsure what the months away are for, work-wise; runway two to three months. Visa paperwork in progress.

2. Methods and techniques

Psychoeducation: you cannot make others feel a certain way; disengaging from an argument is choosing not to give their response control, not losing.
Rehearsed ways to end the conflict: summarize the point, agree to think differently, accept the terms.
Strengths review of what is going well.
Structured problem-solving on the visa options and on what the Colombia months are for ("the puzzle").

3. Plan and next steps

Homework: after physio, write health, wealth, relationships and realign.
Arrive with a prepared agenda; Sean booked a 30-minute prep block before each session.
Next: Mon Oct 5, double session in person.

Sep 28 · Video, about 37 minutes (late start, audio issues)Awareness is not change

1. What we talked about

Overslept and joined by video. Recently ill, likely COVID; about three hours of sleep a night for three nights.
Colombia prep stress: uncertainty about entry paperwork and the visa; no lodging booked yet. Reported deleting all video games.
Most of the session: relationship with Karla. Back in contact; conflict after a long call. Sean described her as lacking awareness and said he will not change until she does. Said the relationship is fun at times; later said the right move is to end it and block.

2. Methods and techniques

Reflected the dynamic as mutual: both contribute; challenged the one-sided framing.
Distinguished awareness from behaviour change.
Values-congruence question: why stay if unwilling to change, and does this match the relationships he wants?
Reframed Colombia unknowns as manageable; consequences as learning (acting earlier next time).

3. Plan and next steps

Book initial Colombia lodging that day.
Reflect on values and ownership, then either commit to behaviour change (meeting her needs, more compassion) or disengage.

Sep 3 · In person, about 52 minutesAccountability through emotion and need

1. What we talked about

Agenda set by Sean: accountability in daily action, the line between grace and avoidance, Karla, home, and Colombia in 37 days.
A missed gym day was the working example: the early window failed, then gaming instead of leaving once the plan broke.
Karla: about three weeks without an argument; new conflict over repeated asks for purchases and his gift boundary; an ultimatum and a partial repair.
Home environment and the idea of a separate Ottawa rental next season.

2. Methods and techniques

Separated the emotion from the meaning attached to it; identified the unmet need (self-trust; respect and fairness; closeness and safety).
Behaviour-level accountability instead of identity-level judgment.
Realistic action selection: go in traffic rather than fixing sleep first.
Reframed the Karla boundary as one with himself, since verbal boundaries with her keep failing. Sean summarized the method back at the end.

3. Plan and next steps

One week: gym early, or in traffic if the early window fails.
Apply the event, emotion, need, action, review method to other moments.
Karla action unresolved. Consider a separate Ottawa rental next season.